


Broken Delirium (Was Anybody Ever Home?)

by TwistedToxic



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Hurt Jason Todd, Hurt No Comfort, If you wanted a happy ending then this is not that fic, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Jason is having a really bad time, Minor Drug Reference, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, This is nothing but pain, This was going to be JayRoy but uhh, Unreliable Narrator, but too bad haha, he's not all there, mild body horror, or uhh not there at all, read it and you'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:55:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25519153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwistedToxic/pseuds/TwistedToxic
Summary: This was a nightmare he'd never wake up from. The white forelocks of hair stared him in the face, laughing at how much of a freak he truly was. Second lives were not meant to be had, and certainly not by Jason Peter Todd. He was a nobody. No, worse than a nobody.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Kudos: 31





	Broken Delirium (Was Anybody Ever Home?)

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to ramble, but my computer decided to be an asshole and crash, so that is not going to happen. I was working on 'Retributions' and several other longer fics for the later part of this month since I kind of went manic, but then I lost inspiration. So, I decided to write shorter fics to make up for it!
> 
> First of all, due to the content involved, I need to clarify first and foremost that I am not currently suicidal or planning on hurting myself. Second of all, self harm, drug mentions, and suicidal thoughts can range from mildly triggering to extremely triggering, please be careful and take care of yourselves when reading this.
> 
> Warning aside, back to your regularly (horribly) scheduled pain!

This man wasn't him. The eyes that once were bluer than the sea and filled with life were now a dull and dead toxic green. Was he real? Was he still here? The blood in his veins was infected with a liquid poison that numbed him like a shot of heroin to kill the pain. Even then, there was so much pain, too many things that wanted to fall from his lips and fly into the night, never to be spoken or seen again.

He twirled the scalpel between his index and middle fingers like clockwork, even though time seemed to have slowed down and finally had come to a complete stop. Droplets of blood fell from a cut on one of his fingers like the various reds that stained his old Robin suit. _Robins..._ He'd always flown, but what would it be like to fly without the net? Never to be worried about again, back where he belonged? His eyes focused on the demon in the mirror. The accursed child with light and hope in his eyes. The way he laughed with his entire body as he fired insult after insult off like it were a wildfire. The _bad_ Robin. Failure rang in his ears and suffocated him like a weight buried deep within his chest.

This was a nightmare he'd never wake up from. The white forelocks of hair stared him in the face, laughing at how much of a freak he truly was. Second lives were not meant to be had, and certainly not by Jason Peter Todd. He was a nobody. No, worse than a nobody. He was a _criminal_ , just like his father and a whore like his mother. He didn't blame her, never would, because that let them eat, and as drug addled as she was, that woman would move the sea and skies themselves for him. His eyes flickered into a bluer hue. The bluest they've been in months since Roy died. _Roy... Oh god_ , he missed him so much. Jason barely flinched when he clenched his fists, the blade digging further into his skin. Roy deserved so much better than this, than him. If anybody deserved a second chance, Roy would have his life if he had a say in it.

"Jaybird." Roy's arms wrapped around Jason's waist, and the longer Jason looked at the mirror, the more real Roy looked. If only he could delude himself into thinking he was still here with him and Lian that easily.

"You're dead, Roy!" Jason screamed, punching the mirror until the phantasm was gone and tears poured from his eyes, burning like they were as toxic as his blood. He ruined Roy's life. He ruined their daughter's life. Why couldn't he do anything right? He stared at the fragments of the shattered mirror, glowing eyes piercing into the darkness. No. He wasn't human anymore. Cold to the touch, no pulse, nothing to indicate he was alive other than the pain inside and the heartbeat that felt like a mechanical gadget in him. He felt it, but nobody else could. God, he was so cold inside. It froze him to his bones, inside and out without anything to make him feel alive again.

_This wasn't life._

Jason traced the autopsy scar with the scalpel. Roy always said it meant no matter what happened, he was here, with Roy. Without Roy, though, the words felt empty and hollow. He started at the sternum, barely feeling a pinch while he slowly dragged the scalpel up. It felt like he was unzipping himself so he could finally fall apart. The autopsy scar was the only thing keeping him together at the seams. His hand trembled when he reached between his pecs. He imagined what would happen. Would his intestines fall out, followed by the poison apple of his heart, purely rotten to the core? Would it kill him, or would he fall apart only to be stitched back together, wound up, only to fall apart over and over again like some kind of macabre doll? The air he breathed into his lungs was a venom like how he corrupted everything he touched.

He grunted in pain as it opened him up to the shoulder blades. The crimson spilled like liquid candy. Sweet, but from him, it was ultimately sickeningly sweet poison. He smiled, eyes greener and brighter than ever when the salt water smell filled his senses. He shook, hands trembling. He took some of the blood on his fingers, staring. A soft sob filled the room like a haunted music box almost on a record loop. Jason began to laugh. He laughed then laughed some more, smearing the blood down his face in jagged, shaking lines. He smeared it down his chest and on the mirror, laughing until he fell to his knees. His laughter mixed with his anguished screams until it died down into loud, ugly sobs. "You're dead and I can't do a damn thing about it."

"Dad?" The softness of the voice contrasted with his agony like a bitter symphony made for tortured souls. His green eyes shone upon his daughter's frightened face, blood mixing with the tears on his cheeks.

_Jason Todd is still six feet under._

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this was intense, and one of my other drafts will be as well when I get around to publishing it, whether it be today or the beginning of August. I still need to finish up this one more short fic, then begin on continuing the 5+ longer fics I started like a dumbass, haha! I will publish the other fic I have finished after formatting it, though. This was more prose filled than usual, but the medication I was taking at the time I wrote this mixed with sleep deprivation ended up in this. It was going to be longer, but I like it this way. Seems more fitting. Despite this fic, fuck Heroes In Crisis, Roy is still alive in most of my fics.
> 
> I can't wait to publish my longer things, but either way, let me know if you need tags added like always and I hope you enjoyed this as much as you could, considering it was nothing but sadness, haha!


End file.
